Castlevania64 is by no means the best Castlevania around. It may, in fact, be very close to the bottom of the ladder. However, I have a history with the game, so I would like to explain a little more about the things that pissed me off about it.
Ten years ago, the N64 was one of the most important things to my cousins, my friends, and me. We spent many days playing various games on this system, which is probably how we managed to escape Hurley unscathed.
My friend Heather and I decided that Castlevania64 looked interesting one day at Family Video, so we rented it. Choosing the character of Carrie, we set off into the forest to begin the adventure. I am pretty sure we chose Carrie over Reinhardt because she had ranged magic attack and it was easier to pwn baddies from far away. She was also a lot quicker than the Belmont heir, so that was a plus for running away from armies of skeletons (sans Bruce Campbell).
There was a theme with my friends and me, and that was if a game had difficulty settings, we would almost always choose Easy the first time around, just to get a feel for it. So, with Castlevania we did just that.
This game was a pain in the ass. Either you jumped too far or not far enough, and bazillions of skeletons would pop out of the ground and attempt to eat you. Yes, it was awesome to be in this 3-D world, but also incredibly annoying.
Remember how we picked Easy mode? Yeah, it's a big disappointment. Things were going well when suddenly you get to a boss: Carrie's slightly deranged and totally dead cousin. Well, she was easy to kill with the super magic ball attack, but the downfall came post battle.
Congratulations! You've beaten Castlevania on Easy mode! Now try Normal mode for the full game!
....Well hell. We just spent a few hours of our time fending off motorcycle-riding skeletons with flaming heads only to be called out on our easy choice. Fine. We restarted the game on normal mode and went through the crunchy pits of death once more.
The part in this game that pissed me off the most wasn't the obnoxiously fast vampires or the knights that came out of stained glass windows (more on that discovery later) but it was the part in the game where you need to bring the nitro across the entire castle. Since nitro is highly explosive, you are unable to jump or run. Well, that's really fun and effective when you must make your way back through an entire castle filled with bad guys and excessive traps.
Anyone who doesn't have patience for such things needn't bother playing Castlevania64 on anything but easy mode.
The stained glass knights were an interesting development. I walked into a hallway and was assaulted by an assailant I couldn't see. Then, I screamed bloody murder because I discovered that the cause of my diminishing life bar was a set of knights who matched the background perfectly.
This was the one and only time my mother ever questioned me while I was gaming. She yelled up the stairs to my friend and me: "Did someone die?" She was serious.
No mom, I just got a little scared by a few polygonal stained glass window knights.
In the game, there is also a part where you're being chased by a huge guy with a chainsaw and some horribly mean dogs. If you panic easily, I'd avoid that one as well.
Castlevania gets a 4/10 because it is an evil game that is mostly frustration.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Why Ultimecia is a pain in the ass
Ultimecia, the end boss for FFVIII, is a pain in the ass for a few reasons, the most important one being that she has about six forms for you to slaughter. Not only is that a problem, but she levels up with you; for example, in my crazy gamer scramblings, I decided to level all of my characters in FFVIII to 100 (or close) in the hope that I could just one-shot the final boss.
Ultimecia's castle of crunchy death pits looms on my screen, and I enter the battlefield pretty confident that I can Angelo Cannon my way to victory within minutes.
Hmm. How very wrong and assy of me to think this, I discover, as Ultimecia randomly selects three of my party members to annihilate first. A few minutes in, I am wondering why my beefcaked characters are hardly doing damage to the slutty pixel witch---wait...I bet she levels up with you.
Well, now that more disappointment has set in, one of my characters dies. It's probably Zell, so I continue trying to use my uber fast summons to pwn some sorceress.
Uh oh!
What the hell? Zell has been dead for about two rounds and I am about to phoenix down him when a cherub swoops onto my screen and takes his corpse away. In his place is someone else, probably Irvine, who is another useless character.
They took ZELL? Oh come on, he wasn't so useless that I wanted him gone forever. Sadly, Square made it so that if you don't tend to your dead almost immediately, they are taken away for good, and your numbers dwindle.
So, let's recap.
Ultimecia randomly chooses characters to start off with, she levels up as you do, she has too many forms, and once a character has died for more than thirty seconds, you lose them forever.
But wait--guardian forces (summons) are your most powerful tools besides Invincible Moon and Squall's gunblade techniques. What else could they do to make this a bitch of a fight? That's right, make it so that all forms past two poof kill guardian forces the second you call them.
Eventually, I killed her. It took over an hour, I think, and a lot of crazy decisions.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Final Fantasy XIV: A preliminary review
(http://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/)
I was still playing FFXI Online when FFXIV was discussed at E3. In fact, I was standing in Whitegate at the time, because I remember about thirty people all started shouting about FFXIV and how amazing it is going to be.
Immediately my spirits dropped. This new MMO would most certainly replace XI for almost everyone on Midgard, and it was then that I realized FFXI wasn't as fun anymore. All people could talk about was FFXIV and how awesome the graphics were.
To me, graphics are most certainly not everything. Some of my favorite games have horrible graphics, but their stories are way better than some of the fancy stuff you see around today. Sure, FFXI was really in need of some revamping, but for me it wasn't the look of the game but how it brought people together. How many times did my mithra glitch out in Jeuno or meld into a Galka? Too many times to remember, but it didn't make the game any less enjoyable.
Now, upon hearing about this new FF, I was immediately turned off by the idea. Why? It isn't going to be out until 2010 sometime, and I have hopes that I'll be on track in life by that time. For me, FFXI started as a coping mechanism for a sick breakup; it served it's purpose well, and I didn't need it anymore. I am hoping that by the time FFXIV comes out, I won't need it.
It wasn't until a friend of mine linked me to the new character concept art and names that I finally took a look at this enhanced version of XI.
Way to go SE, you made the graphics pretty and used the SAME races as FFXI, but with new and harder to pronounce names. So far, I am not impressed. Everyone is drawn to the new look at fresh feel of this game, but it's really FFXI with a shiny coat of paint and sparkles (to me, that is).
Friends from FFXI continue to ask me if I will try this new one, and I always tell them no. I already know I do not want to invest as much time as I did in FFXI to level a character all the way up and waste more money on it. I have quit the FF online community for good, I think. Most of my FFXI time was spent having decent conversations with people and playing casually. For me, it was never about the graphics or the style.
So far, I am unimpressed with SE's new toy. I think a lot of people will hop onto the bandwagon because it's pretty, but, until I get more information that will sway me, I'm still saying no to FFXIV.
I was still playing FFXI Online when FFXIV was discussed at E3. In fact, I was standing in Whitegate at the time, because I remember about thirty people all started shouting about FFXIV and how amazing it is going to be.
Immediately my spirits dropped. This new MMO would most certainly replace XI for almost everyone on Midgard, and it was then that I realized FFXI wasn't as fun anymore. All people could talk about was FFXIV and how awesome the graphics were.
To me, graphics are most certainly not everything. Some of my favorite games have horrible graphics, but their stories are way better than some of the fancy stuff you see around today. Sure, FFXI was really in need of some revamping, but for me it wasn't the look of the game but how it brought people together. How many times did my mithra glitch out in Jeuno or meld into a Galka? Too many times to remember, but it didn't make the game any less enjoyable.
Now, upon hearing about this new FF, I was immediately turned off by the idea. Why? It isn't going to be out until 2010 sometime, and I have hopes that I'll be on track in life by that time. For me, FFXI started as a coping mechanism for a sick breakup; it served it's purpose well, and I didn't need it anymore. I am hoping that by the time FFXIV comes out, I won't need it.
It wasn't until a friend of mine linked me to the new character concept art and names that I finally took a look at this enhanced version of XI.
Way to go SE, you made the graphics pretty and used the SAME races as FFXI, but with new and harder to pronounce names. So far, I am not impressed. Everyone is drawn to the new look at fresh feel of this game, but it's really FFXI with a shiny coat of paint and sparkles (to me, that is).
Friends from FFXI continue to ask me if I will try this new one, and I always tell them no. I already know I do not want to invest as much time as I did in FFXI to level a character all the way up and waste more money on it. I have quit the FF online community for good, I think. Most of my FFXI time was spent having decent conversations with people and playing casually. For me, it was never about the graphics or the style.
So far, I am unimpressed with SE's new toy. I think a lot of people will hop onto the bandwagon because it's pretty, but, until I get more information that will sway me, I'm still saying no to FFXIV.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Bad graphics and Mexican pizza.
I have recently picked up Silent Hill for the PlayStation again. I remember sitting around a small TV with my friend, getting some super chills and thrills from this game, because, well, the creepy undead alien babies are trying to eat your flesh and you're running through a creepy and foggy town.
That was then. After picking up the game again after a ten-year hiatus, I must say that the fear factor has greatly diminished (and I am a scaredy cat) because I managed to get only as far as my giggles would take me. This game is really quite horrible, not only because it has the super nasty square people graphics, but the environment that once made me wrap up in a blanket and try to hide just frustrated me because the map was hardly legible.
You begin the game as Harry Mason, confused and stuck in a foggy nightmare town. Upon playing for the second time, I am grateful for the fog because it hides the rest of the town which, I am guessing, would be horribly misshapen and perhaps the worst part of the game. As if the fact that Mr. Mason looks like a child's crayon drawing isn't bad enough, moving him around is even harder. You've got to jam the joystick in an erratic pattern to get him to move in a circle, and this takes about ten seconds per ninety degree pivot, which, when you are being dive-bombed by two or three large bird creatures, usually results in death.
This is especially true if you run out of bullets, of which they give you fifteen. After that, you're stuck with a kitchen knife which you can wave around like a torch. HULK SMASH BABY ALIENS! *poof* Dead, because while you're trying to aim a small kitchen knife at one enemy, four more are behind you, and in Silent Hill time, it would take you an hour to effectively dispose of all of them.
My point here is that the fear that this game once struck into my heart has long since passed, only to be replaced with disappointment and tears. This is a game that I will gladly return to its case and bury. Perhaps someday some kids will stumble upon it and, just like Jumanji, get taken on a horrible adventure, only to find out that this one wasn't a nightmare...
I suppose you're wondering where Mexican pizza falls into this story. Well, it has nothing to do with Silent Hill, but it's a side story involving the release of FFX. Yes, my friend Heather and I picked up FFX the day it came out and proceeded to stay awake for another thirteen-ish hours playing as far into it as we could. The only reasons we stopped were: A.) Her stepdad was going to be getting up for work soon, and we didn't want him to know we had stayed up all night, and B.) the Mexican pizza caused lethargy to set in, from being mixed with uber hours of gaming.
Mexican pizza itself sounds pretty gross, right? Well, right. It was the only pizza they had in the house, and, since I used to live out in the boonies with no hope of pizza delivery, that was the option.
Partially through our FFgasm, hunger set in. What else will gamers eat but pizza and lots of caffeiene. I think at this point we were so hyped up on caffeiene, the fact that the pizza in question was a combination of taco meat and cheap spices didn't faze us.
Well, between the two of us, the pizza disappeared rather quickly. It wasn't until about an hour later the realization of what we had actually eaten had set in. I would just like to say that cheap Mexican pizza is not the friend of anyone who wants to keep their innards intact.
That was then. After picking up the game again after a ten-year hiatus, I must say that the fear factor has greatly diminished (and I am a scaredy cat) because I managed to get only as far as my giggles would take me. This game is really quite horrible, not only because it has the super nasty square people graphics, but the environment that once made me wrap up in a blanket and try to hide just frustrated me because the map was hardly legible.
You begin the game as Harry Mason, confused and stuck in a foggy nightmare town. Upon playing for the second time, I am grateful for the fog because it hides the rest of the town which, I am guessing, would be horribly misshapen and perhaps the worst part of the game. As if the fact that Mr. Mason looks like a child's crayon drawing isn't bad enough, moving him around is even harder. You've got to jam the joystick in an erratic pattern to get him to move in a circle, and this takes about ten seconds per ninety degree pivot, which, when you are being dive-bombed by two or three large bird creatures, usually results in death.
This is especially true if you run out of bullets, of which they give you fifteen. After that, you're stuck with a kitchen knife which you can wave around like a torch. HULK SMASH BABY ALIENS! *poof* Dead, because while you're trying to aim a small kitchen knife at one enemy, four more are behind you, and in Silent Hill time, it would take you an hour to effectively dispose of all of them.
My point here is that the fear that this game once struck into my heart has long since passed, only to be replaced with disappointment and tears. This is a game that I will gladly return to its case and bury. Perhaps someday some kids will stumble upon it and, just like Jumanji, get taken on a horrible adventure, only to find out that this one wasn't a nightmare...
I suppose you're wondering where Mexican pizza falls into this story. Well, it has nothing to do with Silent Hill, but it's a side story involving the release of FFX. Yes, my friend Heather and I picked up FFX the day it came out and proceeded to stay awake for another thirteen-ish hours playing as far into it as we could. The only reasons we stopped were: A.) Her stepdad was going to be getting up for work soon, and we didn't want him to know we had stayed up all night, and B.) the Mexican pizza caused lethargy to set in, from being mixed with uber hours of gaming.
Mexican pizza itself sounds pretty gross, right? Well, right. It was the only pizza they had in the house, and, since I used to live out in the boonies with no hope of pizza delivery, that was the option.
Partially through our FFgasm, hunger set in. What else will gamers eat but pizza and lots of caffeiene. I think at this point we were so hyped up on caffeiene, the fact that the pizza in question was a combination of taco meat and cheap spices didn't faze us.
Well, between the two of us, the pizza disappeared rather quickly. It wasn't until about an hour later the realization of what we had actually eaten had set in. I would just like to say that cheap Mexican pizza is not the friend of anyone who wants to keep their innards intact.
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