Castlevania64 and Crunchy Pits of Death

Castlevania64 is by no means the best Castlevania around. It may, in fact, be very close to the bottom of the ladder. However, I have a history with the game, so I would like to explain a little more about the things that pissed me off about it.

Ten years ago, the N64 was one of the most important things to my cousins, my friends, and me. We spent many days playing various games on this system, which is probably how we managed to escape Hurley unscathed.

My friend Heather and I decided that Castlevania64 looked interesting one day at Family Video, so we rented it. Choosing the character of Carrie, we set off into the forest to begin the adventure. I am pretty sure we chose Carrie over Reinhardt because she had ranged magic attack and it was easier to pwn baddies from far away. She was also a lot quicker than the Belmont heir, so that was a plus for running away from armies of skeletons (sans Bruce Campbell).

There was a theme with my friends and me, and that was if a game had difficulty settings, we would almost always choose Easy the first time around, just to get a feel for it. So, with Castlevania we did just that.

This game was a pain in the ass. Either you jumped too far or not far enough, and bazillions of skeletons would pop out of the ground and attempt to eat you. Yes, it was awesome to be in this 3-D world, but also incredibly annoying.

Remember how we picked Easy mode? Yeah, it's a big disappointment. Things were going well when suddenly you get to a boss: Carrie's slightly deranged and totally dead cousin. Well, she was easy to kill with the super magic ball attack, but the downfall came post battle.

Congratulations! You've beaten Castlevania on Easy mode! Now try Normal mode for the full game!

....Well hell. We just spent a few hours of our time fending off motorcycle-riding skeletons with flaming heads only to be called out on our easy choice. Fine. We restarted the game on normal mode and went through the crunchy pits of death once more.

The part in this game that pissed me off the most wasn't the obnoxiously fast vampires or the knights that came out of stained glass windows (more on that discovery later) but it was the part in the game where you need to bring the nitro across the entire castle. Since nitro is highly explosive, you are unable to jump or run. Well, that's really fun and effective when you must make your way back through an entire castle filled with bad guys and excessive traps.

Anyone who doesn't have patience for such things needn't bother playing Castlevania64 on anything but easy mode.

The stained glass knights were an interesting development. I walked into a hallway and was assaulted by an assailant I couldn't see. Then, I screamed bloody murder because I discovered that the cause of my diminishing life bar was a set of knights who matched the background perfectly.

This was the one and only time my mother ever questioned me while I was gaming. She yelled up the stairs to my friend and me: "Did someone die?" She was serious.

No mom, I just got a little scared by a few polygonal stained glass window knights.


In the game, there is also a part where you're being chased by a huge guy with a chainsaw and some horribly mean dogs. If you panic easily, I'd avoid that one as well.

Castlevania gets a 4/10 because it is an evil game that is mostly frustration.