Final Fantasy 13: FMV Jcrap

I have been an avid Final Fantasy player, even though I wasn't playing it from the original. You may have read, in past blogs, about my distaste for FFX2. Unfortunately, a new, and even worse failpion has arrived: FFXIII.

Backtrack just a second here. FFXII wasn't exactly...amazing. It was easy, story wasn't too impressive, but it wasn't as bad as X2. However, the new installment is even worse. It makes the adventures of the bimbo trio seem like a work of art.

First of all, let me admit, I've only played three hours in. There is a reason for this. Many people have told me, well, you like FFXI, and that's Jcrap too! Jcrap is my new nickname for XIII, in case you haven't noticed.

Let me set these people straight. To me, FFXI isn't "Final Fantasy." It's called FF, but in my mind it's an MMO that I enjoy playing with my friends. Yes, it has potions, mages, and chocobos, but for me, it's a separate entity from the FF franchise.

FF13 though...what more can I say but..it's linear. There is no sense of adventure. In the beginning, you are thrust into different character roles, the same general area, but slightly different stories. You have no control over the situation, nor can you control any other character except the leader.

Bo-ring.

To make it easier, they have added the "auto-attack" function, which lets lazy gamers become even LAZIER, by simply hitting the button and letting the game figure out the best things to do for that specific battle.

This linear bit is atrocious. Final Fantasy, although sometimes throwing you into situations you can't get out of, was always an adventure to me. You had a map, and it showed you where to go, but you didn't always have to go there. Sometimes weird, obscure little towns were on the far edges of the map, and you could go there for fun, to get new items or equipment, or just to see some silly cutscenes. XIII doesn't even have towns. No, you get a map, it shows you where to go, and sometimes, SOMETIMES, there is a single treasure ORB around, but it's in a very obvious place, and generally contains 50 gil. Wow.

Back to this, FFXIII doesn't have towns CRAP. What. The. Hell. Why didn't they have towns? Because it was too hard to do in HD. Too hard, on a game they spent years creating. Well, what were they working on?

I know the answer, and it isn't the game. It's...get ready for this..



...Cutscenes and FMVs!


In the three hours I have played, 85% of my time has been stuck in cutscenes or watching FMVs. When it isn't doing that, I am running a character through an obvious and linear map, avoiding enemies if I want to. Yeah, everyone bitched about random battles, but what would FF be without them?

Crap.

Let me introduce, FFXIII!

Most of the FF team is gone. Uematsu, who has done at least SOMETHING for every other FF, is GONE. The music in this game is atrocious. No prelude, no victory fanfare. I feel like the battle music throws me into a time-space continuum, with crappy music. To me, horrible score.

Around the two and a half hour mark, I fell into a cutscene. Then another. Then it asked to save my game. Then another CS. Oh, one more. THEN, I got to run my character down a slope. But..wait, what is that at the bottom?


Another cutscene! Twenty+ minutes of cutscene and three seconds of actually character movement.

It was after this instance that I put the controller down. I didn't save my game, I simply put it down and shut off the PS3. Never in my gaming career have I put down a Final Fantasy game. Not for X2, not for XII. Yes, I suppose I have put it down cause I had to sleep, or I was tired of trying a boss. Not for XIII. I put the controller down, and I haven't picked it up in 6 days.

I really don't have any intention of doing so, either.

FFXIII has made me dislike what FF has become. It marks the end of an era for me, in a way. The point at which Katy puts down a FF game out of pure dislike is the point at which it has died.

R.I.P., Final Fantasy. December 18, 1987-March 17, 2010.


Gamerscore: 1/10 (the one comes from the little chocobo in the afro. ridiculous idea, cute bird.)